Monthly Archives: February 2014

there are just people out there that are the embodiment of the sun, like the things they say and do light up the world and make you feel warm; they are human sunshine

to my lover i will say, if
we come across a god, burn
your eyes right out.

for i will never compare
to that cold sheen of power, to
that blaze of immortality.

but in your darkness, my
skin beneath your hands, i
could be the whole of heaven,

gods and angels and everything
that exists in between. understand: i
just want to feel divine.



“The Ambassador of Bad Things”

When something really, really bad happens to you, people will say to you “I am sorry,” even if they had nothing to do with what happened.

And it’s because sometimes thing happen that are so bad that what they really mean is “I am acting as an ambassador and on behalf of everything that must hurt so much right now, I say sorry.”

Because sometimes things are so bad, someone just has to say it.


I Wrote This For you

Music Crush #02 | Yianneis

Επειδή κομματάρα και συγκροτηματάρα. Also.

Flap Flap Flap

A link to a very interesting post, linking you to another interesting post and containing general flappiness  and views on the relation between games and capitalism.

It’s podcast time! #01

After Cubes started his own little podcast, I finally got down to start listening to a couple of podcasts he had suggested. So I rolled up my sleeves and began searching for podcasts through Clementine. (incredibly useful tool, Clementine is) I ended up with around 30 different podcasts, including some for language learning. I had to restrict myself not to add more… Always hungry for more!

So today I finished A Life Well Wasted, which focuses on various aspects of gaming. There’s only a handful of episodes. Quite unfortunately, as the content of most of them is astoundingly enticing.
I highly recommend listening to this podcast, still having hig hopes that Robert Ashley will return to his forgotten child one day.

BONUS! for this podcast: It features excellent posters for each of the episodes.

On awkward goodbyes and expiring friendships

I recently came back from my second trip to Ommen in the Netherlands. I stayed for almost two weeks there for a personal development training/youth exchange called New Mountain. I will go into details about my experience in the forthcoming days. I simply wanted to write something that’s been bothering me since my first exchange in Hyvärilä, and this time it was an extremely intense feeling. Whether it was the people or the exchange itself, I do not know… Probably the combination of the two.
I remember vividly the time we left Nurmes in June. I was crying for about an hour in Cubi’s arms, not wanting to leave Finland and especially the Russian and Finnish friends I made there… The next two exchanges were not so emotional, now that I look back. Compared to New Mountain, oh no they weren’t. But during the last few hours of each trip, I felt drained. And scared that I will never see them again.

And how the hell do you say goodbye to people you’ll probably never see again? There’s never enough hugs, or pictures, or songs sang together, or enough conversations during lunch, or enough intimate moments. Never. Never enough experiences together… Especially for me, an experience-hungry traveller, who regrets not having spent just enough time with certain people. Then again, what does just enough time mean?

Every time I come back home, EVERY single time, I feel a little bit broken for some days. It’s just it, I can’t help it, just wait until it’s gone (if it is ever gone), because everytime I come back I know some small pieces of myself have been spread far, far away, and most of them will never come back to me. But it’s ok, because every piece far away is a person I’ve shared great moments with, and I wouldn’t change it.

-something Aina posted a few days ago.

It’s funny how you make promises with people. That you will keep in touch, that you’ll visit each other and exchange letters and news often…
The actual amount of people you keep contact with is, of course, another story. In these four trips I have met around 100 people (holy frijoles!*) and I’m communicating with 3, maybe 4 people? After each exchange I get super excited because oh my god I have international friends and we’ll talk and I’ll practice my languages and we’ll visit each other and I will go to Prague and Groningen and Zadar and Eindhoven and Riga and Petrozavodsk and Malta and Sicily and Plovdiv and Romania and Hungary and Barcelona and-

It’s a (tremendously) big decision on both ends to keep in touch, as I realized after all this time. You must devote time and effort, like in your actual everyday relationships, and not everybody is willing to do it. And what if I’m willing but the other person is not, what happens then? Well… I’ve decided that I’ll do my part no matter what. And if the others don’t respond, too bad. I’d say that I have nothing to lose but I do have a friend to lose on each occasion… But I’ll let the flow take care of things. Universe applauds actions, not thoughts!



*I use this phrase irl soemtimes. (Spanglish?) It’s from Puss in Boots.